Sanhedrin 79-85
A Respectful Reminder
A child should not say to his parent, “You are transgressing a law of the Torah …”
Thus begins a beraita on our daf that teaches the manner in which a child should address a parent in a “sticky” situation. Although a person’s child has a mitzvah of honoring his parents, if the child sees one of them transgressing, the child nevertheless is not exempt from speaking up — but should be careful not to rebuke the parent directly. Doing so would be the opposite of honoring a parent since it would cause the parent embarrassment and sadness. So, what should the child say?
According to the Rambam, the child should pose a rhetorical question to the parent: “Is what you are doing written in the Torah as being permitted?” This is not directly telling the parent that the action of the parent is wrong.
Rashi, however, asserts that even speaking to the parent in this way would be lacking in showing honor to the parent. Rather, the child should say, “There is a verse in the Torah that says such-and-such,” quoting a verse that is evidence for the parent’s action being wrong. By respectfully quoting a relevant verse in this manner, the parent will understand by himself that his action is wrong and will cease doing so, without suffering embarrassment or humiliation from the child’s words.
Sanhedrin 81a
